Scarlet Whisper Pulls a Hermione Granger

Posted: December 7, 2009 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Now, I know you’re not going to believe this, but…sometimes I’m a know-it-all pompous buttocks.

Yeah, it’s a stretch to imagine that. Really.

Sometimes, in the face of ridiculous ignorance, I run into a telephone booth, rip off my International Jewel Thief catsuit, don my wizard robes, and emerge as…

Hermione Granger.

I can’t help it. When people spout off hokum, what’s a librarian going to do?

For example, last week, I’m talking to somebody and the subject of magical realism comes up. Somebody mentions somebody else would probably like a certain middle grade magician story because this someone is a fan of  “magical realism.”

Ahem. Cough, Cough.

I pull a sorting hat (sans rabbit) out of my…(well, you don’t need a visual, do you?) and suddenly a torrent of Hermione speak is pouring from my lips.

“Well, that’s not really what she meant. Magical realism isn’t really about magic tricks or just stories with magical elements, like…erm, Harry Potter. Think Isabel Allende or Gabriel Garcia Marquez . Magic realism refers to a literary style when ordinary circumstances become transcendent through…”

His eyes glaze over.

“Oh, just go read Love in the Time of Cholera.”

He squints. I cannot tell whether he is angry, resentful, or confused.

“Never mind. Sounds like a great idea.”

He shuffles away, repelled by my high falutin’ airs.

And Hermione evaporates;  her spirit banished until feeble-minded assertions summon her again.

Or until someone sends me a forwarded e-mail about Nokia giving away free laptops.

Now if I could just get Hermione to show up when I really need her; like when I’m looking for the right exit for Northpark mall, or I’m trying to learn the rules to @ALeeMartinez ‘s new board game.

Dear ones, is it just me? Do you ever get a little overzealous when speaking out? Have you ever been thrown out of Starbucks for chastising the Barista about the origin of “Venti”? (Never mind–Forget I asked).

Still hungry?

If you’re looking for a great article on Magical Realism, check this one out.

If you’re looking for a great recipe for Hermione’s Humble Pie,  look no further. It’s easy, and is made from the humblest of ingredients.

Hermione’s Humble Pie

1 9-inch (unbaked) pie shell

3 eggs

2 cups sugar

2 Tbsp. flour

1 cup buttermilk (or 1 cup reg. milk w/ 1 Tbsp. lemon juice added)

1 stick butter, melted

1 tsp. vanilla


Beat the eggs. Add the flour and sugar. Add, buttermilk, melted butter and vanilla. Pour into pie shell and sprinkle with nutmeg. Bake for 10 minutes at 450 degrees. Lower temperature to 350 degrees and bake for forty five more minutes. Cool to taste. Refrigerate leftovers (if there are any).


  1. ChristaCarol says:

    Haha, this was great. And yes, I’ve spoken out before. Never got kicked out, but kicked customers out haha. Gotta love having power in a retail store. 😉

  2. Jemi Fraser says:

    Nope – can’t image you being a know-it-all!!

    I’m usually fairly mild-mannered, but get me going on child neglect, or abuse, and you can’t stop me. And don’t ever ask if it’s possible to have fun & be active in the classroom and still be an effective teacher. I may never stop! (Boring teachers drive me BATTY!!!)

    • jmartinlibrarian says:

      I know what you mean, Jemi. When other teachers and librarians start talking about extrinsic reading incentives, I go into Hermione mode bigtime. It’s my hot button.

  3. Gabe says:

    Yes, I’ve been there before many a time. And I’ve learned how annoying I can get because I do think I know everything–like that Miguel Angel Asturias laid the foundation for magical realism in Latin America, but he’s not translated very much due to the density of his style and because most of what he did with Spanish is untranslatable. And his topic, the plight of indigenous guatamala, wasn’t advantagous to U.S. Foreign policy goals during his career. But he did snatch a Nobel Prize for his efforts and…..

  4. catwoods says:

    Ahhhh, so my soap box has a name? The Hermoine Hat.

    I try very hard not to get on my soap box often because when I do, only magic can pull me down. Like Jemi said and throw in lack of education for social service programs and a dash of literacy and I foam at the mouth.

    Any way, why do I always gain weight when I read your blog? Your recipes are to die for and I hate baking! Lucky me, I have honesty to goodness real live buttermilk and don’t have to add lemon juice to get it!

    • jmartinlibrarian says:

      Uh-oh. I’ve been found out. My ee-vil plan is to distract with dessert. While you are munching on homebaked goodies, I am subverting minds and stealing jewels.

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